Justin Jefferson at a projected $52 is the most expensive keeper on the board and leaves them $148, the smallest budget in the room. Which is fine, because in five years of auctions this franchise has never once paid more than $42 for a football player: $42, $33, $24, $36, $32, and now $27 for Kyren Williams. That is seven dollars below the next-cheapest ceiling in the league.

And it keeps working. Garrett Wilson at $27, Travis Etienne at $22, Jayden Daniels at $19, Rashee Rice at $16 — four genuine starters for $84, and a pair of tight ends for a dollar each in a season where that position finally pays. Five Keg Bowls, more than any franchise in this league, eight appearances in the game, and an all-time record of 187-192. They have also lost four Toilet Bowls, which no franchise but Drippen can match. Most titles and next-to-most last-place finishes, on a losing record, without ever paying more than forty-two dollars for anybody. The Dispatch gave up explaining it some time ago and now simply files it annually.